A year ago today...

September 27, 2009 may not resonate with anyone else, in contrast to September 11, 2001 or other events that have taken place in the month of September. For me, September has many important dates--our Anniversary is the 23rd (Happy 4th!), my son Joey's birthday is the 29th (still can't believe that he'll be 18 this year!) but the date that has been on my mind all day is 9/27/09.

As the calendar goes, I woke up on that Sunday morning without a care in the world. Susie and I surely sat down with the paper and had coffee as we tend to do; we might have even taken a walk with the puppies. Later on I know that I must have been doing some cleaning as well because I know from the receipt that I went to the Thrift Store to donate some unwanted household items--not that I need the receipt to remind me. Every time I am in that parking lot I think of the call from my sister telling me that my Dad was in the ICU. The first thing you think about when you hear 'he's been intubated' is that it can't be good.

When your sister is a doctor you tend to take on more of a 'wait and see' attitude (e.g. 'do I need to be worried?'). Typically if something was wrong with Dad she was a good filter and broke it down to simple terms. I was worried, but at that point it didn't look bad enough to be told 'head to Kentucky.. NOW. So I went home and even changed the filters in the furnace units, but I couldn't stop thinking that things were going to be worse. I eventually got the call that it was indeed time to head home; packing was a mess as I fell apart. Susie was nervous that I couldn't even drive in that condition. I managed to pull it together but I can't tell you anything about my drive home. It's typically about 5.5 hours; I guess that's how long it took. Regardless, I got there sometime around now (9:30 as I type).

Mom was being supported by 2 couples that have been long-time friends and her minister. We couldn't go back to the ICU as they were trying to do something related to filtering his blood as it was determined that he had sepsis due to an infection. He woke up 'babbling' early Sunday and Mom called an ambulance.

How did we get here? He wasn't feeling well Saturday--when I spoke with him he just sounded tired. It was very random that I even spoke to him--I called Mom at home to ask her a question and we both had to rush to get off the phone--I was at a store and she was on her way out. After I left the store, I called her cell and spoke to Dad--for whatever reason they had traded phones that afternoon--she had his, he had hers. In all honesty I never would have spoken to him if it wasn't for that fact. He had an 'order' of wine (several cases to bring home later that week) and I was happy to tell him I had what he asked me to get.

We got to go into the ICU; despite the tube and breathing apparatus it was still my Dad, wires and all. I spoke to him and touched his hands and rubbed his head. No response, of course, but it felt right. They needed to do something else with him so we were back into the waiting room. After a while (10-ish?) my sister showed up (they were coming from SC). When we got back into the ICU she got to do her doctor thing and got to hear all the options and what had happened so far. Sooner or later the 'daughter' wore off (what else can be done?) and the 'doctor' kicked back in (reality check) and she realized what I already knew in my heart--this was nearing the end.

At that point I will never forget the final events... My sister, brother-in-law and Mom were gathered around his bed. Elizabeth said "Daddy, Mom's here, I'm here, Gary's here and Bo's here. We're going to take great care of Mom". With that, his ridiculously low blood pressure (but steady) began to drop--almost on cue. I remember the numbers dropping so quickly and then it was over... just 4 stunned adults facing their loss and machines continuing to try to breathe for him.

Begrudgingly, we left while they 'cleaned him up' and removed the wires, tubes and artificial 'stuff' that did what they could to keep him alive. Returning, he seemed at peace and as if sleeping. We all said our goodbyes, and kissed him a few last times. It seems so odd to me that I clearly remember how warm his neck was, even though he was gone...

As this was month-end, my small real estate firm was busy with closings and Susie could not leave until the 30th. I think that was the worst--missing my family and feeling alone in my thoughts. It was nice seeing some of the string of family friends and visitors--and I must admit I enjoyed all the food people brought. In fact, it was all like a typical Wagner party--except the jovial host was not there. When Joey, Julia and Susie made it I was so relieved and promptly fell apart again--though they gave me much strength. I needed it in order to eulogize my Dad. I don't know how Elizabeth and I did it, but oddly enough I always knew that someday my Dad would pass and someday I would say something along the lines of "Dad always said 'Bo's never had a bad day in his life'; well today, this is a bad day, Dad." Today I must smile, remember my Dad and raise a glass to Frank W. Wagner, Jr. May God rest your soul. I miss you Dad... I love you...

To my family and friends, God bless you and thank you for your support at that time and now as we remember him, a year ago today.

"Reality" TV

Like many people, we have a DVR for recording our favorite television shows. And from time to time, we get 'behind' and have to catch up. Two of our favorite shows hit pretty close to home for me in the last week or two. Modern Family recently wrapped up its first season by taking the family to Hawaii. As we started watching, several things looked familiar and I started to say 'that looks like..." as the guy on TV said "Welcome to the Four Seasons, Maui". The episode was touching and funny (as always) and it really 'hit home' for me and Susie as MY Dad & Mom took our family to Hawaii (including the Four Seasons Maui) in July 2009 to celebrate their 51st wedding anniversary (if you're curious, you can check out photos on our photo site). That was our last family trip together before his passing in September and was an amazing memory that we won't forget! I hope to someday take our family to the Four Seasons; hopefully with less 'madcap adventures' as shown on that TV program :)

Another show that we watch regularly is Deadliest Catch. If you follow the series, one of the captains recently had a stroke. Not to be a 'spoiler' but sadly Captain Phil Harris of the Cornelia Marie passed away. The episode we watched last night ended with Captain Phil being taken away in an ambulance. I was blessed to have made it to Kentucky prior to my Dad passing away, and seeing Phil in a gurney reminded me of my Father in the ICU. I feel for anyone else who has lost a family member and I try to focus on the good (Hawaii, childhood, our relationship) with the bad (his passing). God bless you all and take a moment to call your loved ones and hug your family.

With all the silly trash that can be found on the TV, I am surprised when something touches me as much as those 2 programs recently have... Take care, Bo

Happy Father's Day 2010!

Father's Day is upon us again, and like many other holidays it has crept up quite quickly. And like many other events, it marks another 'first' for me. This email's title is "Bittersweet". In a word, bittersweet expresses how proud I am to be a Dad but reflects how much I miss my own Father who passed away last September. All the "marquee" holidays have come and gone (Thanksgiving, Christmas) but we still face his birthday in August and I know my Mom will sadly mark what should have been their 52nd wedding anniversary this June 28th. I know how painful it would be for me if I didn't have Susie by my side each day; my heart saddens to think of how that feels.

I am lucky to have 'jumped into' such a wonderful family through marriage--Susie is a great Mom. Julia is 10 going on 35, Joey is an old soul at 17, soon to be 18 and entering his Senior year. Christi recently gave us a second grandson (and you can click on the link to the right to see some wedding shots of the whole family). After 3 years of marriage, I still find myself learning something new as I am not a father. To that you say, "huh?" I may be a Dad, but I don't call myself a Father as I never had kids of my own. Either way, it's odd how your mindset can change once you have kids. To those like my Dad who raised their children from birth, it must come easy to 'know what to do'--to be patient (well, most of the time!), kind and loving; not to judge, not to make fun of silly dreams and schemes. To know when to discipline and when to show restraint. The toughest one? To put others (your kids) in front of yourself--he always did that. He taught me how to be a good Dad; all I can do is hope that all the lessons rubbed off (though I still yell at Julia when I have to play 'find the phone' when all the cordless phones in the house are MIA : ) So to all you Dads and Fathers out there, HAPPY FATHERS' DAY and I miss you Frank W. Wagner, Jr!

Frank W. Wagner, Jr.

I thought I would add my Dad's Obituary here; I loved my Dad and I really think of him often and thank God for him and how much of a great Father he was to me. He did so much for the Owensboro community and there were so many people that were touched by him. I was amazed to see so many close friends at his funeral and the 'party' afterwards was exactly what he had asked and 'required'. It was sad, but a great way to celebrate such a unique individual!

Text follows:
Frank W Wagner, 78, of Owensboro, died Sunday, September 27, 2009, at the Owensboro Medical Health System. Frank was born on August 28, 1931, to the late Frank W Wagner, Sr., and Louise Wagner in Charleston, WV. Frank was a talented jazz pianist, a retired homebuilder and real estate developer, and an extraordinary husband, father and friend. He was a member of Settle Memorial United Methodist Church. He was a long time member, past president and Paul Harris Fellow recipient of the Owensboro Rotary Club with 36 years of perfect attendance. Frank was also past president of the Owensboro Board of Realtors and twice served as president of the Owensboro Home Builders Association. He was a past President of the Home Builders Association of Kentucky and was inducted into the Kentucky Housing Hall of Fame in 2004. More importantly, Frank Wagner enjoyed jazz music, playing the piano, spending quality time with family and friends, giving generously within the Owensboro community. Frank loved life and had an amazing ability to permanently influence those who knew him well. Frank would never want or expect anyone to mourn his death. Instead, he would challenge everyone to live life to the fullest.

Survivors include his wife and “soul mate” of 51 years, Helen S Wagner; a daughter, Dr. Elizabeth Wagner Bozeman and her husband, Dr. Gary Douglas Bozeman of Spartanburg, SC; a son, Frank W Wagner, III, “Bo” and his wife, Erie Susan Wagner of Marietta, GA; four grandchildren, Blake Bozeman, Christy McMillen, Joseph Tait, and Julia Tait; a sister, Barbara Ann Angelo and her husband Bill of Charleston, WV; and a nephew, Michael Angelo, and his wife Kelly and their daughter Sabrina of Smyrna, GA.

Services will be at 5:00 p.m. on Thursday, October 1, 2009, in the Chapel of Glenn Funeral Home and Crematory. Friends are invited to attend a special gathering at the Campbell Club after the service to celebrate Frank’s remarkable life. Visitation will be held from 3 pm until 5 pm on Thursday at the funeral home. Memorial contributions may be made to:

The Daviess County Public Library
2020 Frederica Street
Owensboro, KY 42301

Settle Memorial United Methodist Church
201 East Fourth Street
Owensboro, KY 42303

Owensboro Museum of Fine Art
901 Frederica Street
Owensboro, KY 42301

Owensboro Symphony Orchestra
211 East Second Street
Owensboro, KY 42303

Rotary International Polio Plus
c/o 1735 Frederica Street
Owensboro, KY 42301

September 28, 2009

Yes, I know it's October 28th, but I have to relate back to my thoughts on 9/28 as it's fresh on my mind...

On September 28, 2009 I woke up for the first time without a father. I know that many other of you have lost fathers, and I hate all of our collective losses; I just felt like writing about it today from my perspective.

I have always been close to my parents; I could never relate to movies where the characters didn't get along with one or both of their parents. That's not to say that we didn't agree at all times, but I have always had a loving relationship with both of them. When I woke up in my old childhood bedroom on 9/28, I wasn't able to walk into their room and greet both of them like normal. I didn't hear my Dad's bellowing nose-blowing (think of a bull-moose in heat) or hear him hollering for Mom to warm his coffee. I didn't get to see his blue eyes twinkle or hear him say my name. As you could guess, I could keep going and fill pages of things I miss and even tell you how his pillow smelled that morning, but I think you can understand how I felt (and still feel to this day). Not a day passes without something reminding me of Dad--from a question that he could easily answer by giving him a call, to seeing a photo in a magazine that I would share with him, to knowing how he'd react to something silly on the TV (like a politician rambling on about a hot topic, etc). There is a hole in my life and it won't soon be filled. I loved my Dad and I'm not afraid to show/share my emotions.

I guess my message to you is to share YOUR love and emotions with those around you... ...TODAY... NOW. Why? You may be talking to them for the last time when you speak with them and not even know it. When I talked to him on Saturday the 26th, I knew he was not feeling well (he was definitely not himself) but we had a nice chat--I was telling him that I had picked up his wine to bring to Kentucky the next weekend (he would fax me an 'order' to go to Total Wines & More as their selection and prices were much better that in our home town). He was looking forward to seeing me and I got to say I loved him. If I didn't have that conversation with him I would be very sad today. Yes, I'm still sad over his death the next day, but somehow it was better to have talked to him under more or less 'normal' circumstances, versus saying goodbye to him as he lay on a bed in the ICU. He waited for my sister and I to say goodbye, and for that I am eternally grateful to him and to our loving God who allowed him to wait for us to get to the hospital and say goodbye before he took Dad home.

I love my family, I am blessed that my Mother is doing well, I am blessed to have married my wife Susie and that her family and children have accepted me into their lives freely. I know I don't always tell everyone how much I love them and how sorry I am for how often I hurt their feelings or bark orders, etc. (I'm a bit of a bull in a china shop if you didn't know me well enough) but I hope that they will read this and hear me say I LOVE YOU (I can assure you that I will be telling them that after I click on "Publish Post").

God bless you all, thanks for reading this and hug your family in person or over the phone/email, etc. today! Bo