Regrets?

I was deeply saddened to hear that Jazz pianist Oscar Peterson just passed. He was one of my father's greatest influences as a musician and I grew up hearing his music. I read a tribute today from Diana Krall noting that her high school yearbook quote/hope was that she could become a pianist like Oscar (which, by the way, has come to fruition in my opinion!). Oscar was an amazing piano player and one of my favorite albums (yep, album--I used to play Dad's record over and over) was Night Train. To hear this song from 1962 and its groove still gives me chills... (guess what I'm listening to right now?).

So what does this have to do with regrets? It's odd--like anyone else, I have made mistakes in my life and have made poor choices. I don't regret some of the 'bigger' goofs as they were life experiences that molded me into what I am today. Would I do the same things today? Most likely no, but you never know. Regardless, I have 2 'true' regrets, one foolish, one real.

The stupid or shallow regret was not buying my Dad's old 1987 Mercedes 300SDL. A CAR is the subject of my regret? An old diesel? Am I kidding? Nope. I could have bought it cheap, it was in perfect shape and I still love the design. I would love to have that car right now as it is (to me) one of the most classic designs from Mercedes. Another plus--it was my Dad's and for someone close to his family that means something. But again, my life has been pretty good and I can live without that car (not my Dad though!).

What's regret #1? In 1995 I had just been fired from a mortgage company (in the middle of Bankruptcy and getting its' assets seized by some unscrupulous people from FL--long story), my girlfriend broke up with me and I was 'hitting the streets' trying to score my first lawyer gig and not doing so well. As it turns out, I was receiving unemployment, had a LOW mortgage payment so I was never in any financial distress and eventually went back to waiting tables at Houston's, which was always an option that summer (as a matter of fact, there were FIVE lawyers on the wait-staff, all looking for permanent work!). Despite all that, I could not justify an out of town trip while not actively working. I read an article that Oscar Peterson was playing Carnegie Hall in New York. I had enough frequent flyer miles to fly to NYC, had a buddy there so I could have stayed cheaply. I had great credit and no balances on my credit cards, but again, I couldn't "reward myself" while being in that position. Heck, I could have probably called on my Dad to finance the trip as he would understand the situation. Nope, I couldn't do it. Call it ego, call it foolish, whatever. I didn't go, he rarely was in concert again and now he has passed. In retrospect, I would venture a guess that this was to be one of his last 'huge' concerts.

What's my message? Don't miss the little things in life that may turn out to be something that haunts you forever. As an example, I hate it when I hurt my wife's feelings (or the kids) and I don't recognize what I did and apologize immediately. We always work it out, but what of people who stop talking to each other? I couldn't imagine that, especially people who haven't talked to a friend or family member since 'the incident', whatever that may have been (most likely forgotten as well...). My 2 cents--live life, love strongly and forgive. And don't pass on an opportunity that may not come around twice!