September 28, 2009

Yes, I know it's October 28th, but I have to relate back to my thoughts on 9/28 as it's fresh on my mind...

On September 28, 2009 I woke up for the first time without a father. I know that many other of you have lost fathers, and I hate all of our collective losses; I just felt like writing about it today from my perspective.

I have always been close to my parents; I could never relate to movies where the characters didn't get along with one or both of their parents. That's not to say that we didn't agree at all times, but I have always had a loving relationship with both of them. When I woke up in my old childhood bedroom on 9/28, I wasn't able to walk into their room and greet both of them like normal. I didn't hear my Dad's bellowing nose-blowing (think of a bull-moose in heat) or hear him hollering for Mom to warm his coffee. I didn't get to see his blue eyes twinkle or hear him say my name. As you could guess, I could keep going and fill pages of things I miss and even tell you how his pillow smelled that morning, but I think you can understand how I felt (and still feel to this day). Not a day passes without something reminding me of Dad--from a question that he could easily answer by giving him a call, to seeing a photo in a magazine that I would share with him, to knowing how he'd react to something silly on the TV (like a politician rambling on about a hot topic, etc). There is a hole in my life and it won't soon be filled. I loved my Dad and I'm not afraid to show/share my emotions.

I guess my message to you is to share YOUR love and emotions with those around you... ...TODAY... NOW. Why? You may be talking to them for the last time when you speak with them and not even know it. When I talked to him on Saturday the 26th, I knew he was not feeling well (he was definitely not himself) but we had a nice chat--I was telling him that I had picked up his wine to bring to Kentucky the next weekend (he would fax me an 'order' to go to Total Wines & More as their selection and prices were much better that in our home town). He was looking forward to seeing me and I got to say I loved him. If I didn't have that conversation with him I would be very sad today. Yes, I'm still sad over his death the next day, but somehow it was better to have talked to him under more or less 'normal' circumstances, versus saying goodbye to him as he lay on a bed in the ICU. He waited for my sister and I to say goodbye, and for that I am eternally grateful to him and to our loving God who allowed him to wait for us to get to the hospital and say goodbye before he took Dad home.

I love my family, I am blessed that my Mother is doing well, I am blessed to have married my wife Susie and that her family and children have accepted me into their lives freely. I know I don't always tell everyone how much I love them and how sorry I am for how often I hurt their feelings or bark orders, etc. (I'm a bit of a bull in a china shop if you didn't know me well enough) but I hope that they will read this and hear me say I LOVE YOU (I can assure you that I will be telling them that after I click on "Publish Post").

God bless you all, thanks for reading this and hug your family in person or over the phone/email, etc. today! Bo